I wonder as I wander

did you ever wonder if you’d got God all wrong? I’m beginning to feel as though I’ve missed something over all these years.

I think I’ve tried to think myself into believing in God and what he can do or has done. i searched google for God’s love. you wouldn’t believe it, so you should try it. as well, try this site.
I thought it was interesting. Friday’s post especially.


If I knew now, what I will know then. . .

So I was reading my thesis today (I know, the height of narcissism) and for the first time in a year, it wasn’t that bad. it’s shocking, I know. but I came to the conclusion that I really could’ve used more time. The whole thing would have been better, you know.

When i graduated from Undergrad I said to Davin, “Ok, now i know how to do it. Let’s do it again and do it right this time.”

Right now I feel like that about many things. Marriage, kids, grad school, teaching, getting up in the morning and doing life.

wait, let me be clear. I feel as if more time is needed. Not tick-tock time, but brain time. My brain rushes through each day cataloguing (?), categorizing, arranging, putting in order and keeping track of every minute detail of my life, Lila’s life, Eva’s life. It gets tiring. And if you know me, you know, the girls and i are always on the go, parks and visits and picnics and zoo, etc. It’s been like that since Lila was born and I really am beginning to think about why.

Some people say that its great to show the kids all this stuff and do all these things and we do have fun. we find cheap things to do most of the time. But I know deep down that I do it to stay sane. I don’t really enjoy playing “house game”. Ok, I hate it. I hate playing with the stinking mr.potato head and I can’t fit in the play tent; I also don’t want to. I think the reality is that i don’t like chasing my kids. i really don’t.

The point is that I am sure that when they are inschool or where ever it will hit me and I will know then how to best do this now and it’ll be too late. Just like my thesis and undergrad. except the stakes are so much higher.

It’s like that with everything. Too much in the moment to know best how to proceed. Marriage is hard, too.

Got any bright ideas, family?


a few questions

How many wipes does it take to change a poopy diaper?

What does it mean when your 3-year-old says “I love you” 59 times a day?

What does sex really mean to women?

What’s a good beer for non-beer drinkers?

Did you clean your bathtub yet?


Getting into you

Alright, kids. Here’s a little tidbit by way of full-disclosure.

I’m a bather. Not just your run-of-the-mill (what does that mean anyway) bather who showers to get clean but a bath-taker, full with candles, music 3 or 4 books, the works.

So, to wit, I have relatively high standards for bathtub cleanliness. Some of you know this about me. Of course, not for my children. I figure, they don’t care and so it is a safe bet that no matter how long it’s been between cleanings they will, most probably, come out cleaner than when they went in.

I, on the other hand, require absolute cleanness. So, try this at home:

Go into your bathroom.
Run a wet finger (wet your finger or the tub) with some force over some part of the tub near the drain-end, the floor is the most telling.
Then, after you marvel at the smudge of grime, clean the tub. Then, clean it again.
Now, it is ready for a nice long soak.

Join me, won’t you? Figuratively speaking, of course.


Blog for me, blog for you?

So, wow, there’s a lot going on around here these days. Check out Noel’s blog . He’s got some interesting stuff about the nature of blogs and what we should be saying to each other.

Now, when I started on this–Davin’s–blog I had the same questions. I started mainly because Davin was not posting enough for my liking and not nearly enough about my beautiful girls. So my main motivation was to share some of my daily life with whoever was out there to listen, because momming can be slightly isolating at times (we can argue about that one later).

But, the other day Dan said something about the proper use for Blogs. Now, as I was eavesdropping on that conversation (we can chastise me for that later, as well) I didn’t quite get what the proper use for blogs is, but I would like to know.

Here’s what I think I do know:

1) Blogs are public; utterly and completely public. Open to whomever, whenever and where ever. This makes them an interesting forum for proselytizeing (?) and for sounding (as in sounding board). Two seperate issues which deserve more discussion. What do we think about publicness?

2) Blogs are or have the potential to be a-nony-mouse. What do we think about that? Postings, etc.

3) Blogs can be all of you or none of you, work related or home, ultra-person driven or ultra-purpose driven.

And. . .

4) Some people read your blog and never post, so unless you are a computer nut like my husband (among others) it’s easy to have no idea how your thoughts are being received and thus, the motivation for blogging almost needs must become internal (contrary to my original plan) which makes it hard for extroverts like me to continue (HINT HINT).

So, tell me, Dan and others, what is the proper purpose for a blog? Do we give too much or not enough?


I couldn’t have said it better. . .

And, in fact, didn’t.

So as summer approaches the children start appearing, en masse. Last summer when I was writing and rewriting my thesis I had to fend them off with regular food offerings, like strawberries, watermelon and such. I’d have to put it on the porch at one end and sit with my computer at the other. Now this did not in any way stem the tide of questions and “hey, look at me,” etc., but it did serve to keep the wildlife in view. And that was important (remember, Lila was only 2).

Well, my friend, Cheryl, always said that the kids come around because “you are around” and not just for our bubbles or our sandbox. I took that notion, joylessly, but having read this I am both chagrined and encouraged.

Maybe this summer we’ll have fruit smoothies and ice cream.


I’m hoooome!

I’m back from my trip. It was “Surreal in its badness.” This note is left over from the final airport stint on Monday morning. That’s right. Monday morning. I was stuck in Philly Sunday night due to weather in Detroit. It was bad, but I have to admit there were people who had it worse. Apparently, in Detroit there weren’t enough hotel rooms. Yikes. So here are my musings, ramblings, blah. I’m still tired.

Philly Airport

I want to search my own bags. I want to examine every thing that I carry, wondering all the while if each item is intact, remembered, right for its purpose or if each was a good purchase


So close, but yet. . .

So, here I am on my trip. i’m in Cherry Hill, New Jersey for the Teaching Professor conference. The conference is up the street at the Hilton. I am at the Holiday Inn.

Do I sound thrilled? ‘Cause I’m not. I am speaking to you now on a long distance call back to the servers at MSU because the hotel, while having relatively pleasant staff, misled me about thier understanding and availability of internet service.

That’s right, my newly upgraded, hot dog computer has been doubling as a paperweight. I have spoken to a security guard (whom the desk staff though would know something), every person at the desk and 2 people at corporate.

Give me a !@#@$%%# break!

So, Holiday Inn: “NO, NO! Naughty!”

Lila and Eva

A star is born!

Look everyone! Lila is famous. We got to participate in the Michigan Parade today downtown with my parent’s dance troupe, Fantasia (that’s Fan-tas-eeya) for those who don’t speak spanish.

Lila dressed up for a parade. Isn’t she adorable?
Lila dressed up for a parade. Isn’t she adorable?

It’s like a tangerine dream!

Well, brothers, I sit here before you a changed woman.

My pleas have not gone unaswered.

I am experiencing the “Panther.”

For all of the non-geeks, that means that my clamshell Ibook, bugs and all, is apparently able to handle the educational version of Mac OS 10.3 (seriously pared down)!

Friends, this means. . .

I scream, you scream, we all scream. . .With ITUNES!!!!!!!!!!

What a wonderful gift! Delivered to my computer by the hands of my relatively surprising husband (we did have an anniversary and then there was Mother’s Day) and his business partner, Adam Richardson.

I may live after all, friends. Unfortunately, I am so overwhelmed by the excitement I haven’t even got the energy to play with my new toy.

Ah well, there’s always tomorrow.