The divorce has taken place

The divorce papers have been signed and filed, so the divorce is effective today. It has been roughly 19 months since Chey filed the divorce papers.

I feel some relief that this drawn-out process is over. I took the ring off.

Officially, we were married for over 9 years, though we have been separated since December of 2005.

See the prior post for other dates related to our marriage.


Dates related to our marriage

February 11, 1998
I had dinner with Dan and Hilda Davis (Dan is Chey’s father) to ask for Chey’s hand in marriage. They responded, “No.” Nervous silence ensued. Then Hilda finally added, “Take all of her, not just her hand!” Very funny. After dinner I decided that it was the day to propose. After realizing that all the flower shops were closed, I called my friend Adam Richardson. He drove me to Meijer to look for flowers. I know little about flowers and knew even less then, so I picked something colorful and petally from the meager selection (It turned out to be a carnation. How embarrassing.) Flower in hand, I walked in on Chey. She was in a bathrobe, soaking her feet. So, I did it. Knelt, presented the ring, and proposed. She was aghast that I picked that time, what with her feet in a tub. I wasn’t sure if she’d say “Yes,” and my heart jumped when she did.

May 8, 1998
Friday of final exam week, we were married. A few hours before the wedding, a house mate of mine ran my last final exam, a final essay for a class, into the English department in Morrill Hall. We were yoked with a pearled wreath.

December 9, 2005
I was kicked out of our house for the last time. I hoped it was temporary and that we would work towards reconciliation.

January 6, 2006
Chey called me at work and demanded to be divorced.

Last week of January, 2006
Chey filed for divorce.

Today, February 14, 2007
We appeared in court months ago, and I’ve seen some drafts of the divorce terms. It has been over a year since the filing, and we’re still in process.


I miss my girls

I was walking through campus back to my apartment yesterday afternoon. Children and parents were playing near the ducks by the Administration Building. I found myself scanning the crowd for my girls, hoping they would be there so I could see them.

Of course they were not there. They would not be.

After work today, I heard the sounds of children from the playground nearby. I did not hear the voices of my children.


My first pasta dinner

At the grocery store, I use a red handbasket, no cart.

I look at the cans: SPT GRLC/ONIN TM and SP TOMATO PASTE.
Too big, I think. They will have to do.

Amidst the vegetables, an old woman and I reach for the mushrooms.
"You, please," she grants me first pick,
and I bag one 0.10 lb @ 3.99 /lb BULK MUSHROOMS.
She looks askance at me:
"You need more than that tiny one! Take more, they are good."
Sheepishly, "It is only me. I'm trying for no leftovers."
She mutters away with her bag, swollen with succulent mushrooms.

In the freezer section, I choose a small bag of ITALIAN MTBALLS.

The tomato already has diced GRLC/ONIN, but it needs spicing.
So, I add MC ITALIAN SEAS to the red basket.

In goes ANGEL HAIR PASTA, which she likes and is now my habit.
And, a miniature cylinder of PARMESAN CHEESE.

Near the checkout, I consider the bottles of red wine.

I talk myself out of them all:
You do not have a wine glass.
They are too much money. Make grape juice.
You do not have a corkscrew.

In my heart, I am afraid:
I've only had wine with her.
I might finish the bottle before the pasta is al dente.

"Have a great night," cashier Joel says.

I can eat crunchy peanut butter now.

I was at the grocery store and realized that I can buy crunchy peanut butter. So, I’m eating a PB&J with crunchy peanut butter now. Oh man, this is living.

I still need to have creamy peanut butter when the girls come over. The last weekend that I had the girls, Lila tried a crunchy peanut butter sandwich and handed it back to me after a few bites. It hurts my teeth, she said.



I spoke with Chey on the phone today. She demands a divorce.

So, here life pivots.

God is good.